Couple, Family, Let's be happy, Let's talk about Asperger | ADHD

We Should Have Failed As A Couple And A Family

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True-love believer, mom of 4, DIY kind of woman, family roadtrip recidivist, business owner, home decoration and renovation aficionado, technology, beauty products and accessories junky, creativity and liberty craver, country music and southern lifestyle addict, beach potato and part-time blogger trying to balance everything good in her life.
We Should Have Failed As A Couple And A Family

We should have failed a million times and we should still fail everyday.  Why didn’t we? I really don’t know.  Aspergers, large family, business are all challenges for a couple.

Maybe we are just crazy enough to keep going.  Or perhaps we are resilient more than we should be.  Anyway we still haven’t failed and I am not sure why. But I am proud of who we are.

 

Why A Couple Should Fail

We Should Have Failed Like 15 Years Ago

When we started going out together we were supposedly not a good match for each other.  Me the intellectual one, the more rational one, the emotional one.  Him the hyperactive one, the dreaming one, the bold one.  But in fact we were a perfect match.  We were each other (and we are still) balance, each other complement.  We both have always loved manual labors, creativity, challenges, children and we dreamt of having our own business and to never stop dreaming or achieving our goals.  Fifteen years later, even if we went through hell for different reasons in the past three years, we are still on our path.  It is not the same path we used to be on, but we are working hard everyday to not loose ourselves amongst our struggles.

Starting A Business

We Should Have Failed When We Started Our Business

We were so young and so clueless about life.  We even started our business full-time while I was like 7 months pregnant with our first child.  We should have failed since starting two life-changing projects at the same time was supposedly not such a good idea.  We were supposed to realize that working together does no good for a couple.  We were supposed to drop the business and get regular jobs and raise our future brood like everybody does.  But we chose the other path.  We chose the hardest path, filled with uncertainties and hard labor, with no guarantee it would work and no insured pay.  But we succeeded.  And our business is still doing fine and our family is too.

Buying Another House

We Should Have Failed When We Decided To Move

We decided to build a bigger home when we were a family of four.  A home much more bigger than the one we already had.  A home in an upscale suburb.  A home that was allegedly too big for us (we wanted more kids), too expensive for us and too everything for us.  But we bought the land anyway and we built our dream house.  And we succeeded.  We had many pitfalls along the way but we made it.  We budgeted our project like we had always done and it worked.  Now we want a smaller, cozier house but that is another subject!

Having A Big Family

We Should Have Failed When We Decided Having Three Kids Was Not Enough

Who wants one more child when they have a full-time business to run, three young children under five (including a baby who needs medical attention more than supposed to)? We did!  We have always loved challenges so we did not stop there.  We had a fourth child!  We were supposed to stagger under the burden of our responsibilities but we didn’t.  We kept going and we still are today.  Yes sometimes it is harder than we thought it would be, but we never regret choosing the path we took.

Will My Couple Collapse?

And Then Came The Ultimate Failure Threat

Her eldest daughter’s behavior became more out of control than ever.  We were seeing psychotherapists and other specialists and nobody quite figured out what was going on.  And slowly, we were being swallowed by this whirlwind that we couldn’t controlled.  It was like everything we worked so hard for was being eaten up by this invisible tsunami.  We couldn’t control anything anymore.  It was a bigger force than us all.  And we started becoming ghosts of ourselves.  We didn’t have enough energy left to keep going, to fight neither for our kids nor ourselves. 

 

Parenthood is so special to me

I got the answer watching TV

One day I watched a TV series that changed my life.  I was unable to put the remote down.  I watched all the episodes I could in the least time possible.

And I understood.  I understood that what we were living was not right and that there was an explanation for all that.  I learned this way about Asperger’s syndrome.  I started reading everything I could, googling the term in the middle of the night.  And after what seemed like an eternity we learned I was right.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning to dance in the rain

But we were not out of the woods yet.  We kept sinking deeper and deeper.  We could not bear the psychological and physical violence we were living in anymore.  For almost a year, we were at the bottom and didn’t see how we could ever emerge.  But with help and quite some time, we finally resuscitated form this nightmare.  We became stronger than we had ever been and decided to fight for our own lives and the lives of our children.

We are not done yet, we are still fighting the battle every minutes of everyday but we are becoming good at it.  We are mastering techniques we never knew before even existed, we are drawing from the bottom of our heart, body and soul all the energy and motivation we can to keep going.  We promised ourselves that even if we reached the bottom, we could bounce back and be better persons, better parents and an example for others who live in a similar situation.

Will My Family Collapse?

We Should Have Failed As A couple And As A Family

We should have gone our separate ways, we should have stopped being a loving family.  We should have done a lot of things.  But we chose to continue and to find our path back.  We chose to leave the couple’s conflicts, all the situation brought, behind and move forward.  After all we are still a good match and what have always brought us together before is still there.  We are still the same complementary human beings who love to be with each other and work together.  Now we just have to adjust to our new reality and make sure everyone in this family has the place it deserves.

There Is Always Hope

We saw our child’s new therapist the other day and she told us she was surprised we were still together, presenting an united front.  Together since our early twenties, having our own business and working together on an everyday basis, having four young children including one with special needs and reaching rock bottom last year, were all ingredients for an absolute failure according to her.  When we told her we had no intention of getting a divorce we saw a light in her eyes which meant, I think, that everything will be alright.

It may not ever be perfect anymore (if perfection exists), but it will be okay.  Anyway, if we should have failed so many times in the past and we didn’t, perhaps life has a bigger scheme for us.  We’ll wait and see.

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